Browsing all 20 posts in Movie News.

Extended and Prolapsed Naval Gazing PSH

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Extended and Prolapsed Naval Gazing PSH

When I got out of the shower on Super Bowl Sunday, I had a missed call from my dad, because that’s what dad’s do, they call you from across the country just because it’s Super Bowl Sunday. One day my dad won’t be around anymore to call me on the Super Bowl and I thought of that.¬†Before I called him back I checked Twitter and saw the breaking news: Phillip Seymour Hoffman died.

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MOVIE NEWS: Thoughts on X-Men: First Class Casting

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MOVIE NEWS: Thoughts on X-Men: First Class Casting

I quite like Bryan Singer’s X-Men and I think X2 is the best movie based on a Marvel property ever made. The disappointing (if over-criticized) X-Men 3: The Last Stand (directed by Brett Ratner) was one of the first films to really show the harm done by 20th Century Fox’s policy of setting a release date, then developing a picture. I found things to like about the very flawed X-Men Origins: Wolverine film.

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MOVIE NEWS: Yogi Bear Faux Paws

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MOVIE NEWS: Yogi Bear Faux Paws

A friend of mine has a theory which I am an agreement with: every marketing department or copy division needs a 22 year-old horny male on its staff to filter-out unintended innuendo. (Unintenuendo?) Horrible mistake after the jump.

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Morbius in Spider-Man 4?

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Apparently, Sam Raimi is considering Morbius as a villain for Spider-Man 4.

I was one of the people who was gravely disappointed with Spider-Man 3 (I love the first two) and I was especially let-down with the decision to not wrap-up the Curt Connors / The Lizard story arc that was so clearly set-up in the first two films. I want a fourth film because I want the franchise “fixed”.

And actually, Morbius would be a good villain for this.

You would never know it, but at one point (fifth grade) Dr. Michael Morbius was my favorite comic book character. He was originally a villain for both Spider-Man and Blade (In fact, David Goyer intended Morbius to be the central villain in Blade II.), created by Marvel as a protest against the Comic Code‘s ban on vampires. (Morbius is a vampire by scientific means, not supernatural. That’s how they skirted the ban.)

In the 1990’s revisitation of the 70’s Spider-Man villain, the doctor with a terminal blood disease tries an experimental blood transfusion that renders him a vampire. He involuntarily sucks the blood of his beloved and then vows to only suck the blood of those undeserving of life. As a kid, I loved the idea of this tormented soul, a well-meaning doctor trapped in the animal urges of a monster, using every ounce of his will to sustain his life on those who deserve none.

At one point in the comics, Morbius uses a serum based on Spider-Man’s blood to cure his own condition.

Doc Conors, as we know, transfuses his blood with that of a Lizard to regenerate his lost arm, but accidentally turns himself into The Lizard instead.

I think there’s a good story to tell with Spider-Man’s radioactive blood, Dr. Connor’s lizard blood, and Morbius’ vampiric blood, and the ethics behind what sacrifices we’d make to “cure” things that are a crucial a part of our identity. In fact, the comic books had this arc. It was the famed “six-armed Spider-Man” story.

There’s been nothing to confirm this, but my gut says that in two years you’ll be seeing a six-armed Tobey Maguire in a Spider-Man 4 trailer.



Sam Mendes to direct Preacher?!

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Whoa.

Apparently
, Columbia snatched-up the rights to “Preacher” and Sam Mendes — American Beauty and Road to Perdition Sam Mendes is going to direct.

Fascinating

At one point Preacher was on its way to being an HBO one-hour. That is what it should be. But Mark Steven Johnson — Daredevil and Ghost Rider Mark Steven Johnson — was producing it. He’s a fucking twit and Sam Mendes is fucking brilliant.

Still, I don’t believe that a mainstream film version can do the comic series justice. I’ve read all nine volumes twice. I’m not sure you can do angels and demons fucking, god abandoning his creation, Arseface (A Kurt Cobain suicide imitation gone wrong), Jesus de Sade, Frankie the Eunuch, Jodie and TC fucking a trout, Odin Quincannon fucking piles of raw meat, The Allfather (the REAL pope), voodoo priests, the KKK… I mean who else other than me and other twisted fuckheads wants to see this stuff?

“Uh duh nuh, buh uh guhs wuhl fuhnd uht!”



"We’re all puppets, Laurie. I’m just a puppet who can see the strings."

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Remember that new Watchmen footage?

I have made a special find. More proof that Snyder is taking the source material seriously:



GOD DAMMIT

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FUCK YOU MARVEL.

Can’t you just get ONE FUCKING FRANCHISE RIGHT?! Just ONCE I would like a perfect fucking series of films! You fucked X-Men in the third film by fucking-over Cyclops and making Wolverine the main character. You fucked Spider-Man in the third film by squeezing-in too many villains, not following through with the lizard, mis-casting Venom, and making Spider-Man dance. YOU FUCKED MY PRECIOUS DAREDEVIL FILM IN THE FIRST GODFORSAKEN OUTING. You fucked-up The Hulk in the first movie and then had to reboot four years later. You put Nicholas Cage in a movie about a flaming skull and that needs NO further explanation.

Now you are fucking up this perfect fucking Avengers arc! DAMMIT. Terrance Howard was perfect! Pay him the fucking money! I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO SUSPEND DISBELIEF WITH DIFFERENT ACTORS PLAYING THE SAME ROLE. YOU DON’T FUCKING MIX ACTION FIGURES.

ugh.

ugh.

UGH.



NO. NONONONONONONONONONONO. NOOOOO!

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ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT.



The Watchmen Trailer

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oh my god.



The Phantom Menace Nine Year Anniversary

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Nine years ago today, George Lucas set-upon the world Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. It remains today, as it was then, a controversial film for nerds everywhere.

I was a junior in high school when TPM came out. I had nearly gotten my XL-sized, Star Wars t-shirt wardrobe large enough to wear a Star Wars shirt every day to school. I spent all of my money on Star Wars merch and I spent all of my time on Star Wars messageboards, posting crackpot theories about how some insignificant detail in the Original Trilogy was the key to knowing what would happen next! At the age of 17 it was the most important thing to happen to my life.

My mother had set her wedding date for May 19th, 1999. I made her change it. A week before the movie my friends and I waited in line 24 hours for tickets. We were on NPR in Indianapolis. The Indy Star did an article on us. They are memories I will never forget.

We all know how The Phantom Menace came out. For all its mis-steps, I still defend it as much better than it is given credit for. It is certainly better than Attack of the Clones and while Revenge of the Sith captures the spirit of the OT closest, The Phantom Menace is still the best-crafted of the three films. Qui-Gon Jinn is maybe my favorite prequel trilogy character. The Duel of Fates at the end of the film is still an exceptional piece of fight choreography.

At any rate, for better or for worse, today is the 9-year anniversary of when Star Wars changed forever. Celebrate with a blue milkshake, or spit on the ground and watch your OT laserdiscs in protest.